Files of My Life – Magnificent Story

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in a room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order.

But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endlessly in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read “People I Have Liked”.I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.

And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn’t match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content.

Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. 

A file named “Friends” was next to one marked “Friends I Have Betrayed”. The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. “Books I Have Read”, “Lies I Have Told”, “Comfort I Have Given”, “Jokes I Have Laughed At”. Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: “Things I’ve Yelled at My Brothers.”

Others I couldn’t laugh at: “Things I Have Done in My Anger”, “Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents”. I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. 

I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my 30 years to write each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked “Songs I Have Listened To”, I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn’t found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked “Lustful Thoughts”, I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.

An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: “No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!” In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn’t matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.

And then I saw it.

The title bore “People that I Have Taught About God”. The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that the hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room.

I must lock it up and hide the key.

Dear Reader, please give a fitting moral to the story.

20 Responses to Files of My Life – Magnificent Story

  1. B.N.Das April 6, 2014 at 8:18 PM #

    I feel you were reading your own HOROSCOPE relating your next birth.

  2. Arwa September 4, 2013 at 11:25 PM #

    Nicely written metaphor of judgment day. I think a title of “Which file do you want to fill more?” will be a suitable one

  3. sharif123 August 30, 2013 at 11:59 PM #

    It’s heartening to see that Sara is able now to reply some messages.Don’t let down your regular readers.

    • Ali - Admin September 3, 2013 at 4:58 PM #


  4. Anonymous March 9, 2013 at 7:23 PM #

    Too long and boring. You can do better

    • Ali - Admin March 17, 2013 at 3:24 PM #

      Will try my best.

  5. mehak March 8, 2013 at 9:46 AM #

    Magnificent story……..I think title for this story should be “Deeds Of My Life”…..

  6. rehana isaani March 6, 2013 at 11:54 PM #

    There is no Earaser which can earased Memories so the title i suggest is Memories of life of “Deeds of Life”

  7. Abmalik March 6, 2013 at 11:52 PM #

    My idea of a title is: “OUR LIFE WE NEVER THOUGHT EXISTED”. Thanks SARA. Its an eye opening reminder.

    • Ali - Admin March 17, 2013 at 3:43 PM #

      Good one Abmalik.

  8. Yunus March 6, 2013 at 10:31 PM #

    Sayyidina Umar, Amir-il-muminin said Take your account before the day of accountability.

  9. Al March 6, 2013 at 9:01 PM #

    premonition >>> of judgement day !

  10. Rafeeq Maruf March 6, 2013 at 8:55 PM #

    It is a magnificent story of real life records, very well written. It is mind boggling to see how we waste our lives in sinful acts and a very few virtuous deeds. We still have chance through repentance and asking for forgiveness in order to correct our shortcomings and mistakes. With this appalling description of our lives, we must resolve to lead a righteous life so that on the day of resurrection, when we stand before our Rub, our scale of good deeds will outweigh our evil acts. May Allah (swt) have mercy on us and forgive us for our sins.

    The title of the story should be : “My life, my deeds – It is time for repentance”

  11. Me March 6, 2013 at 5:50 PM #

    Too much to read

  12. Abdul Matin Sheikh March 6, 2013 at 3:52 PM #

    This is exactly true and one day (DAY OF JUDGEMENT) WE Will face the RECORDED FILES OF OUR WHOLE LIFE.As said in QURAN-E-KAREEM.And face the result.

  13. Iqbal Chaudhry March 6, 2013 at 2:09 PM #

    Very nice reminder . Quran and other Holy books show us action when we realize that IMPROVEMENT is MUST . This is by true Repentence ( Touba ) which is result of process of Self Accountability and deciding actions of preventive measures . This true action can turn our Evil deed to Accetable Deeds or HASANAT . Here is chance to correct contents of past time files .Acceptance of REPENTANCE ( TOUBA ) is by Alah only and there is No one between us and our Allah to recommend this acceptance .Other factors which help in acceptance of Touba is financial Charity to poor and extra pryers for submission to LORD .

  14. Sk Ashif Akram March 6, 2013 at 12:23 PM #

    magnificent story

  15. Muhammad Jamil Khan March 6, 2013 at 12:13 PM #

    I have gone through the “Files of my life- magnificient story”. I appreciate the author of the story which is an eye opener for all human beings. Let’s amend our files in our own interest at the right time before it turns too late and our cries met no response. This dream is reality that evry one has to taste. It’s title should be:
    “Be righteous to avoid unheede cries”

  16. zuheir taghlibi March 6, 2013 at 12:13 PM #

    That is the story of the judgement day when every one started to read his book

  17. Sajil March 6, 2013 at 12:04 PM #

    “And the Book (one’s Record) will be placed, and you will see the Mujrimun (criminals, polytheists, sinners, etc.), fearful of that which is (recorded) therein. They will say: “Woe to us! What sort of Book is this that leaves neither a small thing nor a big thing, but has recorded it with numbers!” And they will find all that they did, placed before them, and your Lord treats no one with injustice.”
    (Al Quran 18-49)