Attorney/Lawyer Jokes – Very Very Funny

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?


ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?                                                                                                                            WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty-one.


ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?                                                                                                                                    WITNESS: Are you shittin’ me?


ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?


ATTORNEY: How many were boys?


ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Are you shittin’ me? Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?


ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?



ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that? ______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?



ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!


ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Huh….are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________ And the best for last: ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?


ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?


ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?


ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?


ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law

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5 Responses to Attorney/Lawyer Jokes – Very Very Funny

  1. Mubarek.alamin December 24, 2012 at 7:52 AM #

    very funny attorney can’t tell if its black or other day

  2. khaled_nabasoft December 9, 2012 at 5:33 PM #

    lol really so funny 😀 what a provocative lawyer! Keep it up Sarah!

  3. Umair December 6, 2012 at 12:09 AM #

    Friends. These are jokes. Don’t be so logical.

  4. Ado December 5, 2012 at 12:18 AM #

    These questions could not have come from a lawyer no matter how young he is at the Bar

  5. sk ashif December 4, 2012 at 4:41 PM #

    not so funny!