The State Mental Hospital – Funny Joke


Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.

This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.

(Well, my job is done …..Your turn!)

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2 Responses to The State Mental Hospital – Funny Joke

  1. Zafar Iqbal September 16, 2012 at 6:46 PM #

    SARA! What a sense of humour you have! Before this joke you have given an AD for lumosity, “Train Your Brain” and after the main matter is the AD for repairing your Aging Brain!

    While your jokes are great, by themselves, I think you have inadvertently, perhaps, or knowingly, made a greater joke by selection these two ADs for such a joke!

    Have a heart!

  2. panic attack symptoms March 8, 2011 at 11:46 AM #

    hahaha . very funny 🙂