Insanely Funny – Medical Jokes

A man spoke frantically into the phone, “My wife is expecting and could deliver any time soon!”

“Is this her first child?” the doctor asked.

“No!” the man shouted, “This is her husband!”

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 Lawyer- Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse ?

Doctor- No.

Lawyer- Did you listen to the heart ?

Doctor – No.

Lawyer- Did you check for breathing ?

Doctor – No.

Lawyer – So, when you signed the death certificate you weren’t actually sure he was dead, were you ?

Doctor – Well, let me put it this way. The man’s brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it’s possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.

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A man who owns a pharmacy showed up at work one day around noon. He saw a man leaning against the wall outside with a grimace on his face.

The owner asked his assistant manager who the guy outside was. The assistant said, “He came in looking for cough medicine. I could not find any, so I gave him a bottle of laxative and told him to drink it all.”

The manager said, “You can’t cure a cough with laxative!” The assistant replied, “Sure you can. Look at him, he’s afraid to cough.”