Funny Marriage Quotes

Every man should get married some time;

after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!


Bachelors should be heavily taxed.

It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.


Don’t marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.


I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.


Men have a better time than women;

for one thing, they marry later;

for another thing, they die earlier.


When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of one thing:

either the car is new or the wife.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always.


I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for a party?”

She said,”Somewhere I have never been!” I told her, “How about the kitchen?”


We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours.
That was only for the estimate.


She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?”

Following her down the street I yelled, “No, jump in.”


Johnny recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married.
He says “the wedding rings look like minature handcuffs…..”

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21 Responses to Funny Marriage Quotes

  1. Jola Animashaun May 8, 2014 at 12:39 PM #

    I wonder why some women take jokes too serious and personal.

    They easily get offended and furious over mere jokes like this.

    I love the jokes!
    More of it please…
    😀 😀 😀 😀 😉 😉

  2. Roshan November 19, 2013 at 3:54 PM #

    hey guys, take all of them easy…….

    why did most of them take these funny quotes seriously. lets enjoy with them and try to have a fun for a while. be cool with the every moment in your life

  3. vampire girl October 6, 2013 at 11:14 AM #

    Sara I don’t know why being a muslim girl you criticize women for bad and breaking marriages. It’s not only women who are bad men might be the baddest. I don’t think the Prophet criticized women like this. Also all marriages does’t end with a fight after 10 15 yrs, there are a loadz who are happy even after half a century.
    The GUYS might be having a feast after reading this

    • Sana - Editor FFJ October 6, 2013 at 9:11 PM #

      Yes, what you said is true. It’s not just women who fight but men too. And our Prophet never ever criticized any women.
      He, in fact, was the best to his wives. We are not criticizing anybody here. That was just for fun let’s not take it to heart. We do a lot of jokes on men too so I think it’s okay 🙂 We don’t mean it. And you know one thing… men can’t live without their wives although they make jokes of such kind and believe it or not it’s a FACT. Allah made women that way. SubhaanAllah 🙂 So let’s just enjoy and have a laugh on such jokes and feel proud of ourselves 😉

  4. Nok August 10, 2013 at 3:50 PM #

    Pls punctuate this sentence to make four different meanings:
    Woman without her man is a savage.

  5. Cassie June 14, 2013 at 5:31 AM #

    Sara I wonder if you are a woman…
    I am a woman so i am always offended with too much jokes like this. Why they always blame women for bad marriages? It is always two to tango as they say.
    Someone told me…”your husband is for you to mold to become a refine gold” . Then who is responsible to mold me to become a good wife?
    No one is responsible actually to mold each other. It’s the love and respect to one another that makes us a fine gold. Maybe it’s better to see what you can give than see what your other half can give.
    So Sara, if you are a woman…I wish not to read another joke about humiliating a wife just to make those egotistic males laugh. Though we will say it’s our freedom to do everything we wanted…respect is more better than humiliation.

  6. Sonah January 12, 2013 at 11:58 AM #

    The woman remains a mystery.And man, it appears, will never be able to find the combination which will enlighten him to understand her.

  7. Wasim September 25, 2012 at 12:43 PM #

    A good wife (good character wife) is the biggest award of Allah to any individual in this world…(Hadees)
    we should be thanksful on it.

    Wives also should be thanksful on their husbands.

    • Ali - Admin September 25, 2012 at 1:56 PM #

      Good advises Wasim.

  8. Sonah September 16, 2012 at 12:24 PM #

    The jokes are generally around women, and in most cases the motiveA seems to highlight the negative side of the fair sex. A man’s world still, you would say.The contrary is also true,

  9. Atiq June 5, 2012 at 2:17 PM #

    lol…very funny….relax guyz dont be emotional or sentimental. These r just jokes. Life should be light and tension free. If some one has problems do make jokes on male. This forum is for fun and jokes. so just enjoy, thanx Sara…appreciate it..

  10. Atiq June 5, 2012 at 1:35 PM #

    LOL….very funny, truly amused…guyz dont take it personal, just enjoy. Make life lighter and happier. If females have any issues then make true jokes on men…just like Sara did… 😉

  11. mona May 30, 2012 at 8:23 PM #

    You guys make men seem like angels and women tormenters. Unfair. Disrespectful. I found the jokes insulting to women. Only tasteless men can truely enjoy these jokes. As for the lame comment by Sharif123 about Sara being ‘intelligent and passionate’, Sir, guys like you find every girl intelligent and passionate UNTIL you get married to her. Then she becomes an unattractive wife.

    • sharf123 May 30, 2012 at 9:13 PM #

      please treat jokes as jokes. The moderator is Sara who is doing wonderful job. It’s my way to acknowldege her hard work and dedication in this site. no intention to hurt women.

    • Mohammad Urooj June 7, 2012 at 5:04 PM #

      See its difficult to make a woman happy look at yourself rather than enjoying jokes you showed your “Womanness” in your reply. For a true answer ask your brother, uncles, father, friend’s husband or maybe any man; all will have a same answer.

      As far as Mr. Sharif123 is concerned he is either single or haven’t experienced the “True Taste” of a woman.

      But Sara keep it up perhaps your jokes help us “atleast” smile without which words like smile, laughter, happiness, relaxation, all were bachelorhood’s words which are now non-existent.

      • mona June 7, 2012 at 9:23 PM #

        Sir, if you begin respecting women, women wont be as bossy n arrogant as u make them seem like. Im sorry but you probably haven;t come across as many insulting jokes about women [and pathans for that matter] as I have- which was why I spoke up. However, I agree with Mr. Sharf123 here that jokes should be treated as jokes. Unless they are aimed at one caste, race, color or gender. My apologies, otherwise.

  12. sharif123 May 30, 2012 at 11:58 AM #

    risk is worthy if bride is intelligent & passionate like SARA. otherwise, stay away.

    • yasti February 22, 2013 at 1:15 AM #

      ooh someones getting tooo cozy with sara

  13. Marehaiemkladmielwme February 15, 2011 at 2:38 PM #

    very rude and not amusing

  14. [email protected] February 6, 2011 at 9:49 AM #

    very amusing and funny indeed …hahahah

    • Qureshi February 4, 2014 at 10:54 AM #

      Police comes to a house with information that there is some explosive material in the house Owener,the husband quick reply yes sir but she has gone to her parents.( Please it’s not true but just a joke.)