New Company Policy – Hilarious


Dress Code

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.


Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.


Personal Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.


Bereavement Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon.

We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.


Toilet Use

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offenders Category”. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company’s mental health policy.


Lunch Break

Skinny people get 60 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 10 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience –



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15 Responses to New Company Policy – Hilarious

  1. Muhammad Kabir April 8, 2015 at 3:43 PM #

    This company should be entirely staffed with robots not humans.
    In that case it will be easier for all to comply.

  2. fred simon April 7, 2015 at 8:35 PM #

    m me a jb at thid to shoot the bosss company as i nee

  3. anonymous August 8, 2014 at 8:31 PM #

    Sara u had sent this last weak itself

  4. chandran September 6, 2013 at 12:32 PM #

    very good company policy all workers surely very happy and loyal

  5. Corina July 31, 2013 at 5:44 PM #

    I love this one I read it over like 19 times

  6. Shahrazad El Natsheh March 25, 2013 at 9:21 PM #

    My dad still works, (not that old you know) I sent this joke to him and he was gonna explode or something, he said it will never reach his works management…. I scared him, hehehe

  7. AbdulAwal Miah February 13, 2013 at 4:01 PM #

    An Advocate helps an illiterate man fill a form. The advocate asked: first tell me what’s your name. The man replied: WRITE. Advocate: Yes I am ready to write. Tell me your name. The man said: WRITE. Well, you see I am ready. What’s your name? The man replied: WRITE. Advocate (angrily): What-is-your-name?
    Another man helps advocate understand: Sir, his name is WRITE.

  8. Uba January 31, 2013 at 1:01 PM #

    Hahaha!! Nice onee

  9. PRAKASH H,S, December 4, 2012 at 6:47 PM #


  10. Samia bhatty November 28, 2012 at 2:54 PM #

    ThankGod I don’t have to work !

  11. Sonah September 11, 2012 at 1:33 PM #

    what about time off for Trade Unions? They would die a natural death. The Unions I mean..

  12. Asma June 11, 2012 at 1:18 PM #

    Welcome to your slavery contract …..

  13. nora May 26, 2012 at 4:00 PM #

    why does the letters look so big!!!! what happened to your website??

  14. sabjee May 25, 2012 at 1:15 PM #

    really nyc one!!!